


A Gentle Beating Heart

by Kelpersey



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-01 14:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2776640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelpersey/pseuds/Kelpersey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you love the one person who's oblivious, you tend to become obvious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Gentle Beating Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I made this as a short thing to try and start to write Fanfictions. It would be best if you listened to Staying by Koda while reading this, as thats what I was listening to while writing this and it has the lyrics of the song in it. Also note! This was written at 4 AM.

_ That’s enough the end.    
Comes undone.  _

Gavin woke up to blinding sunlight streaming through his window, left eye opening and then the right as he groans. He got up groggily, not wanting this to be Monday.

 _ Falls off the edge, falls out young.  _  
_Falls off the edge, fall off love._

"Jesus Christ, it’s only 6 A.M. Why is it so bright?" He mumbled, feeling less than prepared to go to work today. If he went, that means he’d have to see him. Ryan fucking Haywood. Even the thought of the mans name made his heart quicken, a small, gold heart floating around his head.

 _ _ As dark comes the night.  _  
_We all die young._ _ __  


"C’mere you," He grabs the tiny heart, trashing it while he goes about his daily routine, getting ready for work and walking, knowing it wasn’t far from his house. The entire way he tried to convince himself that he wasn’t in love with Ryan, though to no avail. The sight he was greeted with was a slightly unhappy Ryan, trying to open the jammed door.

_ As winter takes me now, of cold and clammy skin.    
A barren empty womb, as I’m born again.  _

"Come on, you stupid metal asshole!" Gavin couldn’t help but laugh as Ryan fiddled with the door, eyes drifting to meet Ryans’ as he turned to him.

_ It’s pulling at my hair, and crawling all within.  _  
_A gentle beating heart is swept away by sin._

Gavin struts over, hoping another heart wouldn’t appear as he could feel his chest glowing slightly, another heart about to pop into existence. He quickly got the door open and rushed inside, determined not to let Ryan see the annoyance now floating, mockingly, around Gavin's head. He felt as though he was dieing from how much love was inside of him, although unrequited.  


_ The monster in your head, won’t surface again.  
_

Gavin felt a cold shiver go up his spine as he turns his head, spotting Ryan staring at him as he grabs the heart, trashing it, grumbling angrily to himself.  


_As winter takes me now, of cold and clammy skin.  
A barren empty womb, as I’m born again. _

"Bollucking bitch. Why now and why him?" He whispers to himself, feeling a tap on his shoulder as he looks back to see Ryan, smiling expectantly at him, hands hidden behind his back.

_ Be still my child, wash away the sin.  _

"I think you dropped something, Gav," Ryan said as he held out his hands. In them was a small, green heart, pulsing lightly. Gavin was speechless as he looked at Ryan.

_And I as future king, walk off the edge._

"That’s not mine.." He trailed off, realizing finally that it was Ryans’ and he had never wanted to kiss someone so badly. So he did just that, standing on his tiptoes to crash his lips into Ryans’, the kiss was quick, but full of everything Gavin couldn’t bring himself to say.

_ Hold me by my name.  _

"Gavin I.. I love you." It was all he needed to know and all he wanted to hear as he kissed Ryan once again. He didn’t expect the other man to wrap his arms around him and pull him closer, deepening the kiss, but it made both of their chests glow with the love they had for each other. As each moment ticked by, more hearts sprung into existence, they only separated when Geoff came in, giving a surprised yell and walking back out.  


_ Hold me till the end.  _


	2. I Only Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin's having nightmares about his ex and what had happened with them. Ryan comes to his rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so much good feedback on tumblr from my first fic. So I thought I'd try and write another, maybe more. This one is also going along to a song, Near to You by A Fine Frenzy.

When Gavin came home, it was like a punch in the gut. He hadn't let it show at work, but his resolve was crumbling as he curled up in his couch, enjoying the cool feel of his house. He stayed like this for only a few minutes before tears fell and dripped from his eyes and down his face. He tried to get up and cheer himself up with some games, but everything reminded him of the one he'd loved before Ryan, choking him up and causing him to sob. He trembled as he grabbed his phone, quickly dialing Ryan. The other man answered quickly.

 

_He and I had somethin' beautiful_   
_But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last_   
_Loved him so but I let him go_   
_Cause I knew he'd never love me back_

"Hey babe, what's up?" Ryan asked, worry filling his voice when Gavin began sobbing, unable to form complete sentences, Ryan already getting up and heading to his front door."Don't move, I'll be right there." It took less than five minutes for the older man to arrive, barging into Gavins' house.

_Such pain as this_   
_Shouldn't have to be experienced_

"Gavin, where are you?" His voice was tainted with concern, finding the brit in a crumpled mess on the couch. Ryan crouched in front of him and Gavin looked up, eyes wet and puffy from crying. It took only a moment for Ryan to sweep him up and plop down onto the couch with Gavin in his lap, kissing his forehead gently.

_I'm still reeling from the loss,_   
_Still a little bit delirious_

"It'll be fine, Gav... I promise, I'm here for you and I'll stay as long as you need." Ryan spoke softly, knowing that if he spoke any louder it would cause Gavin to have a headache from how much crying he was doing. Gavin only buried his head into Ryans' shoulder in response, trembling lightly. Gavin didn't know how much longer he could deal with this pain. He knew that that man was forever out of his life, but what had happened between them still made him crumble like a little kid after being hurt.

_Near to you, I am healing_   
_But it's taking so long_   
_'Cause though he's gone_   
_And you are wonderful_   
_It's hard to move on_   
_Yet, I'm better near to you._

"R-Ry... Please, don't ever leave me..." Gavin mumbled and he could feel Ryan tense up, as if hearing the thought had been like a swift kick to his gut. In truth it had, and it left Ryan pulling Gavin closer, whispering softly to Gavin, promising he'd never leave and that he loved him more than life. He truly did, and this lanky man in his lap had changed him forever. Without Gavin, he couldn't think of living, and Gavin thought the same, pulling himself up and bit and tilting his head to lightly kiss the man he felt he had known all his life.

_You and I have something different_   
_And I'm enjoying it cautiously_   
_I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard_   
_To get back to who I used to be_

They had fallen asleep on the couch, Gavin had been exhausted and Ryan didn't have the heart to move him, so he had fallen asleep with him. That was until he was awoken by a sob that wracked through Gavin. It crushed Ryans' heart to see him like this, and he didn't know how he could fix him. But he'd be damned if he wasn't gonna try.

_He's disappearing_   
_Fading subtly_   
_I'm so close to being yours_   
_Won't you stay with me_   
_Please_

"Hey Gavin?" He questioned, getting a look from the brit as he continued speaking. "Did you know that a Box Jellyfish has 64 anuses?" This brought a smile to Gavins face and Ryan was relieved to see him smiling. It made his heart feel lighter as he continued asking questions that he knew would get Gavins mind off his ex for a while. He could see Gavin feeling better and he kissed his forehead, picking him up and carrying him to his bed, surprised to hear Gavin singing to himself.

 _"I only know that I am_  
 _Better where you are_  
 _I only know that I am_  
 _Better where you are_  
 _I only know that I belong_  
 _Where you are,"_ Gavin sang, obviously exhausted and smiling goofily up at Ryan as he slurred out a tired 'I love you, Ry-bread' up at him. To which Ryan said 'I love you too, Gavvy.' He hopes things could get better over time and he knew they would, eventually. But they had to take baby steps.

_Near to you, I am healing_   
_But it's taking so long_

Ryan barely slept that night, making sure Gavin was okay when he woke up from a nightmare and he soothed him everytime he did. He was dozing by the time the sun rose, crashing in bed beside him. Gavin woke up with a smile on his face to see Ryan next to him as he called Geoff, telling him that he and Ryan wouldn't be at work today. He hung up and fell back asleep next to his love, dreaming peacefully for once.

_'Cause though he's gone_   
_And you are wonderful_   
_It's hard to move on_   
_Yet, I'm better near to you._


	3. And This One's For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's trying his best to be romantic with little letter he writes to Gavin, but seems to struggle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this along to Moulin Rouge, another Song Fic, this whole Song Fic story thing is consistent of me listening to music I think will fit my writing. And I find that Your Song from Moulin Rouge fits them best. Thank you guys so much for supporting me and reading these.

_My gift is my song_   
_And this one's for you..._   
_And you can tell everybody_   
_That this is your song_   
_It maybe quite simple_   
_But now that it's done_   


Ryan sighed, crumpling up yet another piece of paper. He just couldn't seem to form the right words as he wrote. He was normally so eloquent in his writings to Gavin that this frustrated him. He looked over to seeing the sleepy mess of blankets and limbs as he chuckled, not knowing how Gavin even slept like that. His first letter had been so beautifully written that it had caused Gavin tear up when he read it, aloud, to himself in the office. Ryan had gotten so many kisses and hugs from that that he decided to write one nearly every day. He could still remember the look Gavin gave as he opened up the letter, a mix of shock and excitement for what he was about to read.

_I hope you don't mind_   
_I hope you don't mind_   
_That I put down in words..._   
_How wonderful life is_   
_Now you're in the world_

"Damnit... I just can't think..." He mumbled to himself, glancing over at the clock and grimacing. Almost 7 AM, he'd been up all night trying to write to Gavin. He decided that he'd write while at work, hoping to take his mind off how horrid his writing had been. As time went on, he and Gavin got ready for work, drove there, and sat down at their desks, hearing a small sigh from Gavin as he saw no letter on his desk, causing him to glance over at Ryan. Ryan felt his heart drop a bit. _My gift is my song_  
  
 _Sat on the roof_  
 _And I kicked off the moss_  
 _Well, some of the verses_  
 _Well, they got me quite cross_

"... just don't know if he'll put one there today, Burnie..." He could hear Gavin say as he ate his lunch, making his heart sink once more, suddenly losing his appetite as he headed off to the secluded conference room, pen and paper in hand to think and write. An hour later and he was still there, barely past the first paragraph, frustration making his eyes water a bit. Not so much angry at anything but himself. He heard the door open as Geoff walked in, sitting in front of him.

_But the sun's been kind_   
_While I wrote this song_   
_It's for people like you that_   
_Keep it turned on_

"Hey buddy. We've been looking for you. Well, mostly Gavin," Geoff smiled at him, but his smile immediately faultered as he saw the man before him crying. "Can't write anything?" He inquired to which Ryan nodded. Geoff only sighed and shook his head. "Stay in here as long as you need. I'll tell them you're busy doing something for me and wont be back til later." Ryan was grateful for his boss' understanding, only hoping he wouldn't take that long.  
  
 _So excuse me for forgetting_  
 _But these things I do_  
 _You see I've forgotten_  
 _If they're green or they're blue_  
  
  
He thought long and hard about features of Gavin that he loved. His eyes and they way they fluttered open, one eyes at a time, when he woke up. The way he fell asleep next to him, expression calm and peaceful as if he was a porcelain doll, fragile to the touch. It was hop he would do the stupidest things to impress Ryan, but he knew that anything he did impressed Ryan to no end.

_Anyway the thing is_   
_What I really mean..._   
_Yours are the sweetest eyes_   
_I've ever seen_

"Got it." He spoke aloud, smiling as he began to write down his affections, eyes brightening with each word he wrote, each syllable he laid down on that paper. He shot a small text to Geoff, saying he'd be in the office in a moment as he finished writing. All he got in reply was a little smiley face and an okay.  
  
 _And you can tell everybody_  
This is your song  
It may be quite simple  
But now that it's done

He had returned not two minutes later to the Achievement Hunter office, letter in pocket as he got Geoff to send Gavin to talk to Kerry for a few moments as Ryan set the letter on his desk and got to working. Gavin returned and you could physically see him glowing almost as he grabbed the letter and read it partially aloud to himself, eyes widening as he got to a sentence he enjoyed or he would blush when he got to another.

_And you can tell everybody_   
_This is your song_   
_It may be quite simple_   
_But now that it's done_

He saw the lads eyes drift from the paper and onto him as he stood up, already anticipating the hug he would get from Gavin, who clutched the paper in his hand. He wrapped his arms around him, pulling him ever so closer, softly kissing him.

_I hope you don't mind_   
_I hope you don't mind_   
_That I put down in words..._   
_How wonderful life is_   
_Now you're in the world_

"I-I love you too, you dope." Was all he heard from Gavin, voice shaky from crying and it made him laugh a bit. He hoped they could stay like this all day until Geoff coughed and got them to go back to work, though Ryan never looked away from Gavin for too long and vice versa. He had returned that night with Gavin clinging to him as he carried him indoors, crashing onto the bed with him and kissing him with such fervor that it made Gavin tremble.

_I hope you don't mind_   
_I hope you don't mind_   
_That I put down in words..._

"I love you so much, Gavin..." He spoke, only being silenced by the others lips on his. He had a feeling this was going to be an incredible night for them both.

_How wonderful life is_   
_Now you're in the world_


	4. It Just Fits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan decides to make sure Gavin feels well enough away from his family during Christmas, and that means he might have to do something spontaneous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Friendos!! Kelpersey here again, did you know I have a Tumblr? Yea. Kelpersey.Tumblr.Com  
> Anywho, please listen to Firefly by Ed Sheeran while listening to this as it took me literally 4 hours to write this while listening to that song non-stop.

_I fell in love next to you_   
_Burning fires in this room_   
_It just fits_   
_Light and smooth_   
_Like my feet in my shoes_

Ryans' heart was in his throat as he watched Gavin pace. He felt so sad for his boyfriend, seeing as it was nearly Christmas and he couldn't make it out to his family. He knew how he must be feeling, since he couldn't make it to his own family in Georgia. But he felt like Gavin would be more situated if he tried to calm him.

_Little one, lie with me_   
_Sew you heart to my sleeve_   
_We'll stay quiet_   
_Underneath shooting stars_   
_If it helps you sleep_   
_And hold me tight_   
_Don't let me breathe_   
_Feeling like_   
_You won't believe_

"Hey Gav, let's head upstairs." He said, the brit blinking and looking back at him as he sighs and nods, following silently. Ryan hated to see him like this and it broke his heart almost. He knew Gavin was homesick so he knew something had to be done. But as he brought Gavin into their bedroom, all he could do was pull the younger man into a knowing embrace. He knew exactly what he had to do and he knew how he was gonna do it. He kept his thoughts to himself as he crashed onto the bed with Gavin, giving him gentle kisses and happy sighs as he held him there until Gavin fell asleep. He soon followed after, waking up late and sending Gavin out on a few hours worth of errands, having called Burnie to help Gavin _._  
  
 _Teach my skin_  
 _Those new tricks_  
 _Warm me up_  
 _With your lips_  
 _Heart to heart_  
 _Melt me down_  
 _It's too cold_  
 _In this town_  
  
"Pretty good, Haywood. Pretty good." He chuckled, Gavin walking through the door a few moments later, arms heavy with bags. Ryan came down to help him, stalling him for as long as possible so that everything could be set up. He was pretty nervous about what he had to do, but he put all the nerves and anticipation behind him as he looks at Gavin, unbelieving at how he found someone like him.

_Close your eyes_   
_Lean on me_   
_Face to mouth_   
_Lips to cheek_   
_Feeling numb_   
_In my feet_   
_You're the one_   
_To help me_   
_Get to sleep_

Gavin was still a bit saddened by not getting to see his family, but it was a bearable pain as he kissed Ryans cheek softly, blinking a bit dumfounded when Ryan brought him up to the bedroom. Ryan had looked around, attaching the right cord to the right place and the screen kicked to life, Gavin couldn't believe his eyes.   
  
_It's only been_  
 _One night of love_  
 _And maybe_  
 _That is not enough_

"Gavin! There you are, be in for next holiday, yea?" His brother George said, his mother beside him and father on the other side. Gavin just couldn't believe his eyes as he looked to Ryan, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. "And make sure to bring your boyfriend when you do!" His mother piped up and Gavin blushed, laughing softly.

_Hold me tight_   
_Don't let me breathe_   
_Feeling like_   
_You won't believe_   


"Of course, mum. He's excited to meet you all," He glances over to Ryan as the older man nods, holding him from behind.

_It's only been_   
_One night of love_   
_And maybe_   
_That's not enough_   


"I'm very excited to meet them. Hey Gavin?" Ryan asked as Gavin looked away from the big screen. "I have something to ask you," He was surprised to see Ryan get down on one knee, even more surprised when he heard the words coming from his mouth.

_Hold me tight_   
_Don't let me breathe_   
_Feeling like_   
_You won't believe_   


"Gavin David Free, you're the only thing in the world that means more than life to me, and I know I may not seem like much, I promise to give you my bottomless devotion and love," He looked up at him excitedly, pulling out a box from his back pocket, opening it to reveal a beautiful golden band with a chocolate diamond in the middle, surrounded by golden vines to hold it. "Will you marry me?" He spoke, almost hesitantly as if he expected a 'No'. But what he got in return was much better than he could have ever imagined.

_There's a firefly loose tonight_   
_Better catch it_

"W-Why didn't you ask sooner, you mong? Yes, yes, of course I'll marry you." And with that, Gavin flung his arms around Ryan as the older man slipped the ring onto his finger and kissed him. Gavin hear his mother cheer and his brother and father clap, but he held Ryan closely through all of that, tears streaming down his cheeks in happiness.

_Before it burns this place down_

"Well, Gavin, we'll leave you two alone. We love you, don't get too rowdy, you two." And with that, his family ended the video feed, leaving Gavin alone with Ryan.

_And I lie_   
_If I don't feel so right_

"I-I love you so much," Was all Gavin could say before he was pulled onto the bed with Ryan kissing his gently, his eyes fluttering to a close as he cuddled the man he was happy to spend the rest of his life with.

_But the world looks better_   
_Through your eyes_


	5. You Have My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it gets into the colder part of Austin winter, something just seems to fit right with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! Please listen to For The Keeping by Wayward Daughter when reading this. It was written after hours of (Admittedly bad) singing and drawing what I think this chapter might hold. Also! If you want to be included int he notes of a chapter, please shoot me a message at woffwoffbark@yahoo.com or at Kelpersey.tumblr.com/ask I try to respond to all asks and will gladly take and song requests for a chapter!

_Close the door_   
_I don't wanna let the cold in_   
_Cause the night is getting older and I'm tired_

He could feel it in the air as he walked to the driveway, shivering. He knew it would be cold and there was nothing he could do about it. But that didn't stop Ryan from glaring at the sun and invisible winds that sent a shiver through him. He headed back indoors to find Gavin trained on Halo 4, eyes narrowing as he killed off another member of the team he was on. This elicited a chuckle from the older man as he walked over and sat by him,easily picking the other up and setting him into his lap. Gavin let out a yelp as he was picked up, causing him to die in the game.  
  
 _Hold me close_  
 _And I won't let another soul in_  
 _Cause you are everything and all I need tonight_

"Damn it, Ry. You made me die," He pouted, but snuggled into the older man who, in turn, wrapped his arm tightly around the other, holding him to his chest. He wanted nothing more than to hold him close on this lazy Sunday, even though the wind outside was trying to ruin it.

_You have my heart_   
_Yours for the keeping_   
_You are the first thing I believed in_   
_And now I'm yours and you are mine tonight_

"You know, Gavin. I think I just might be even more in love with you." He laughs a bit at the look Gavin gives him as he kisses the others forehead. He really did mean it, every day he marveled at how perfect Gavin was to him, and how he could love someone like Ryan. All of this amazed him as he hummed softly into the others hair. He just couldn't believe how lucky he was.  
  
 _Take my hand_  
 _Cause I don't want to be without you_  
 _You're my anchor and my lighthouse in the storm_

"I think I might too, Rye-bread." Gavin giggled a bit as he took Ryans' hand into his own, eyes closing as he took in the scent that enveloped him, making him feel safe. He couldn't think of a better person to spend the rest of his life with, nor did he want to think of another person. His eyes teared up a bit, wondering if Ryan ever thought the same as doubt filled him. Ryan could feel Gavin shudder as he turned him towards him, planting a small kiss to his lips. He knew what Gavin was thinking as if he had spoken it aloud.  
  
 _Lead the way_  
 _Cause I don't want to walk without you_  
 _You're a the rose amongst a bitter world of thorns_

"Hey, don't think that... You know I love you and only you, so don't think anything like that again," It was all he needed to say to cheer Gavin up as he got up, pulling Gavin with him as he lead him up to the bedroom. Once there, he pulled him into bed with him, pressing featherlight kisses along his face and neck, chucking softly when he heard Gavin laugh.  
  
 _You have my heart_  
 _Yours for the keeping_  
 _You are the first thing I believed in_  
 _And now I'm yours and you are mine tonight_  
 _My heart is yours_  
 _It's clean and healing_  
 _You've closed the wounds and stopped the bleeding_  
 _I'll give you all I am, give you my life_

"S-Stop it, you donut. That tickles," Was all Gavin could breathe out before Ryans' lips were upon his, lulling him into the world of love that he only felt when Ryan kissed him. Soft and tenderly, Ryan worked his lips against Gavins, he knew he could make Gavin feel better just with a kiss, so this continued on for a while longer before they broke apart. He smiled at Gavin, who smiled back, half-lidded eyes conveying just how tired the lad was. He only gave a laugh as Gavin curled up to him, soon drifting off.  
  
 _And I will never let you down_  
 _And I will never turn away_  
 _And I will never be alone another day_  
 _Cause you are everything and all I need tonight_

He repeated the lyrics that were in his head aloud, knowing Gavin would hear them as he fell asleep. " _And I will never let you down, and I will never turn away... And I will never be alone another day, 'cause you are everything and all I need tonight_..." He sighed happily to himself as he kissed Gavin forehead, who snuggled farther into Ryans chest, and from that moment, Ryan knew he'd forever be the happiest man on earth. Gavin knew it too, he could feel his heart nearly burst with love as he drifted off to sleep, the man he loved protecting him for all bad dreams that might come.  
  
 _You have my heart_  
 _Yours for the keeping_  
 _You are the first thing I believed in_  
 _And now I'm yours and you are mine tonight_  
 _My heart is yours_  
 _It's clean and healing_  
 _You've closed the wounds and stopped the bleeding_  
 _I'll give you all I am, give you my life_


	6. Til I Can't Even See You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somethings wrong with Ryan and Gavin just can't figure out what it could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please listen to Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk for this chapter! A friend on Vine suggested a song to me so they'll be in this chapter as a personal insert of them. Remember! You can also send me song suggestions.

  
_If you'll be my star_   
_I'll be your sky_   
_You can hide underneath me and come out at night_   
_When I turn jet black_   


 

Gavin could feel it in the way Ryan's side of the bed was cold when he awoke. He could feel it when his car was gone from the drive. He could feel it in the way he heard the older man speaking quietly to someone else on the phone when he was in the room, as if he was hiding a giant secret. Gavin could only sigh, looking over at him and then sadly dragging his gaze away. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he thought they were drifting away. Maybe Ryan was having second thoughts about marrying him, now that the wedding was a month away. So Gavin did the only thing he could do, he called his friend Lauren, whom he had affectionately named 'Butts'. Because whenever he would pick them up in his arms, he almost always dropped them from how clumsy he was, so he dropped 'Butts'.

  
_And you show off your light_   
_I live to let you shine_   
_I live to let you shine_   


 

They picked up on the second ring. "Yello'? You need something, Gav?" They inquired, a yawn present in the question as Gavin sighed. "Dude, what's wrong?" Their voice rose an octave in worry as Gavin explained everything.

_But you can skyrocket away from me_   
_And never come back if you find another galaxy_   


 

"I just.. I don't want to lose him, Butts... He's the best thing in my life." He could feel his voice waver as he began to cry. "If... If he wants to leave me, I can't stop him... I know that he's not one for commitment," He could now feel himself breaking down, panic settling into him. He didn't want Ryan to leave him, but he knew he was virtually powerless to stop him if he left.

  
_Far from here with more room to fly_   
_Just leave me your stardust to remember you by_   


 

"Dude, just calm down, I'm sure he's just anxious about the wedding, that's all." They tried their best to reassure them, but only got hung up on as Gavin began to bawl. He couldn't believe that Ryan, the voice of reason and calm, could be nervous. He got up, hesitantly getting ready and heading into work, calming himself down on the way there. He could feel hope bubble in his chest as he saw Ryan, but it popped when the older man spotted him and all but ran away. He slowly stepped into the office, going through the Let's Plays and playing his part, but mostly silent through the whole day. He couldn't bring himself to even eat.

  
_If you'll be my boat_   
_I'll be your sea_   
_A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity_   


 

"Hey, buddy. You want something from Rudy's?" He heard Geoff but waved him off, muttering a lie about how he brought something. Geoff quirked an eyebrow, knowing Gavin was lying as he shrugged. "Alright, well, call me if you change your mind, okay?" Gavin only nodded, tears threatening to make his voice rough if he spoke again. He glanced around the office to find himself alone with Ryan, who was deliberately not looking at him, making his heart ache something terrible. Ryan's phone finally broke the silence as he got a call.

  
_Ebbing and flowing_   
_And pushed by a breeze_   
_I live to make you free_   
_I live to make you free_   


 

"Oh, uh, hey Elli. No, I'm not busy. Yea, I can meet you there. Alright, see you soon." He spoke hushed, but he could hear the happiness bubble up in Ryans' voice when he spoke to this 'Elli'. "Hey Gav, tell Geoff I'm gonna be back in a few." Gavin didn't reply vocally, but just waved him off, wanting to cry in peace. Geoff and the others returned as the found Gavin asleep at his desk, cheeks red and eyes puffy from crying as Geoff rolled his eyes, letting him sleep. Ryan returned later as he came in as the others left.

  
_But you can set sail to the west if you want to_   
_And pass the horizon, 'til I can't even see you_   
_Far from here_   
_Where the beaches are wide_   
_Just leave me your wake to remember you by_   


 

"Ryan, you need to do some editing, yea?" Geoff said as Gavin woke up, only receiving a nod from Ryan as he got to work. Gavin glanced up at Geoff who whispered, "Gav, tell him what the fuck is wrong before I kick his ass." He then took his leave, leaving Gavin in the room alone with Ryan.

_If you'll be my star_   
_I'll be your sky_   
_You can hide underneath me and come out at night_   


 

"H-Hey Ry," Gavin spoke, voice shaky as he spoke. Ryan only looked at him. "Y-You know.. If you want to leave me for that Elli person, you can.. I won't stop you, you know... I know I'm not the best boyfriend or fiancee. But I do love you and I only want you happy..." He looked up to see Ryans' eyes brimming with tears, mouth slightly agape as he got up slowly.

  
_When I turn jet black_   
_And you show off your light_   
_I live to let you shine_   
_I live to let you shine_   


 

"Gavin, I... I don't... I don't want her, I want you..." He could feel his heart breaking as he shook his head, his own eyes welling up and spilling over with salty tears. "I don't want her, I don't."

  
_But you can skyrocket away from me_   
_And never come back if you find another galaxy_   


 

But Gavin didn't believe him. "Y-You're lying to me, you always get so happy when she calls you.. I can't compete with that, Ryan... I'm just going to drag you down from her..." Ryan shut him up at the end by pulling him roughly against him, lips locking with his own as Gavin trembled, taking in the scent of Ryan and the feel of his lips, hope bubbling up in his chest for the second time that day.

  
_Far from here with more room to fly_   
_Just leave me your stardust to remember you by_   


 

Ryans' voice was hoarse as he spoke. "I only want you.. You and all of your clumsy antics..." Gavin could only agree with a few short 'I Love You's each time they broke apart from a kiss. He shot a quick text to Butts that said 'Everything is all right.' Only getting a '8==D' in response as he snickered softly. They spent the night in the office, either trying to make up, make out, or make the best of what work they had to finish. Geoff found them in the morning on the couch, sighing happily and putting a blanket over them before taking a picture and smiling. They really were the cutest couple he had seen, and he was glad Gavin had found him.

_Stardust to remember you by_   


 


	7. Take Me Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the few twilight hours after their first week of marriage. And Ryan just can't get over how entranced he is by Gavin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah wowie it's been awhile since I've Updated this. I hope you guys enjoy, as my writing has been really sub-par recently and I've scrapped ideas.  
> The song for this chapter is Atlas by Shannon Saunders  
> Please leave me feedback.

_When you think no one is watching, I'm watching only you.  
When you feel no one listening, I hear through the noise to hear you._

Ryan woke up to the gentle snoring that always woke him with a smile, and he had an even better reason to smile now. He was finally married. Married to the man whom he cherished and adored with all his heart. And Jesus Christ if that huge nose wasn't cold as all fuck. He chuckled to himself as he rolled out of bed, deciding to let the Brit sleep, rubbing tiredness out of his own eyes.

"It's too fuckin' cold in this house.." He yawned to himself, and it honestly was. And with that comment, Gavin groaned himself away, all a mess of sheets and sore limbs. Ryan blushed at the thought of what had occurred the night before, spying the condom wrapper on the floor. He hid his face as he quickly headed downstairs and towards the kitchen, making himself some coffee.

_If you're looking for the demons, T_ _o play while with your own_.  
_Then you should look no further,_ _Here with me you'll never have to be alone._

"Holy shit!" Was all he heard as Gavin missed the last step and fell onto his ass, he couldn't stop himself from laughing. He hadn't even heard him get up, but he always did seem to make a entrance when he came downstairs. "Bloody hell that hurt, Rye." Gavin looked accusingly at Ryan, as if he was the cause of the mans clumsiness.

"Don't look at me, I'm innocent, babe." He stifled a chuckle as he blinked innocently at him, turning his back to make a bit more coffee, quickly finishing off his cup. They had to head back to work today and Ryan wasn't looking too forward to that. They were behind on some work, but that was to be expected as they took a week off for their honeymoon. They both quickly got ready, climbing into the car as they, thankfully, both made it to work in one piece. In the office, Ryan kept finding his gaze lingering to Gavin, breath hitching in his throat as he let his mind wander to what took place last night.

_Your shoulder blades_ _, Your eyes ablaze_ , _The way you throw your head back_  
_When you're losing faith,_ _But finding hope_

_"Oh Ryan~!"_ Was all he heard as he slipped into a daydream of last nights events, the other beneath him as he rolled his hips against Gavin's, every thrust driving him deeper into the others body. _"Oh Ryan, harder~! Harder, luv~!"_ And who was he to deny him with the way his voice rose an octave as he happily obeyed, hips rolling and crashing into the others, lips meeting and eyes closing as he balled the sheets in his fist. They switched from him on top, to him commanding from the bottom, Gavin's head leaned back in ecstasy, eyes glazed with pleasure, body tense as he came. And so came Ryan's own climax, but was cut all too short as fingers snapped, dragging him from his happy moment.

"Hey buddy, earth to Ryan." It was Geoff who snapped his fingers, Ryan's distant gaze locking on Geoff.

_It lights your face, T_ _hat helps me cope_  
_Through all of this without a kiss,_ _And I get through all of this without a kiss._

"Hmm?" Was all Ryan could muster as he glanced to Gavin, who blushed and looked away, obviously having the same daydream he had been having.

"We got a versus to film, you versus me." Geoff smiled and pushed up his sunglasses. Ryan nodded and got up, Lindsay and Kdin busting out their iPhones to film. The versus went smoothly, Ryan losing to Geoff in Peggle 2. It was lunch, so he took Gavin and headed home, humming softly along with the tune on the radio.

_From the atlas_ , _Take me far_.  
_Leave me reckless,_ _Off the map_.  
_Turn the paper,_ _Don't bring me back._

"H-Hey Rye," He heard Gavin hesitantly speak. Ryan nodded to show he was listening as Gavin continued. "Could we.. Well, y'know..? Just quickly..?" Ryans' face heated up a bit as he nodded again, speeding up a bit to get to the house quicker. The arrived, once more thankfully, in one piece as Ryan all but carried Gavin into the house and upstairs.

"Be gentle at first, Rye.." Ryan nodded and smiled in response, his mouth stopping Gavin from saying anymore as he pressed his lips to the others, quickly removing their clothing as he snagged a condom from the nightstand and opened it, completing his task in one smooth motion. His eyes slowly raked over the others body, mouth moving to his neck as he planted small kisses and nips, hands sliding tenderly down the others sides to support his hips. He grabbed the lube from the nightstand aswell, completing his other task once again as pressed a finger gently to the others swollen entrance. Gavin jumped a bit as he nodded, Ryan slipping a finger in gently, then two and three as time progressed on. He removed his fingers after a quick moment and replaced them with his member, hard and throbbing as he slowly took his time, entering him at Gavins' pace, not wanting to hurt him.

_My eyes see you_   
_I see you but you don't see me_

"F-Fuck Gavin.." Was all he could breath out as he hilted himself inside the other, slowly pulling out and thrusting back in, eyes closing as he nipped the others lower lips. The moans from Gavin were only making him want to go harder, faster, deeper until he had the other squirming underneath him. But he took his time, then let the other command his actions, giving up control completely. Gavin gave simple commands like faster, harder. And with all all of them, Ryan obliged.

"Oh god, Ryan, just fuck me~!" Gavin cried out as Ryan obliged, a almost feral-like instinct taking him over as he growled softly under his breath. He could feel the heat pooling in his stomach, the sharpening of nerves as he edged himself closer. He could tell Gavin felt the same as he cried out once more, eyes closing tightly as he came, whines slipping from his lips as he came, Ryan hissed under his breath as he came, Gavin doing the same as he came, seed spilling onto his abdomen.

_Do you feel how I'm feeling,_ _My cup is half empty_.  
_You can crush all the parts,_ _And break them in half for me._

"Rye, that.. That was.." He shivered from the others voice, slowly pulling himself out of the other as he got a whine from Gavin, the other shivering as he pulled off the condom, tieing it up and tossing it into the bin near the bed. He shushed the other with a kiss as they both got cleaned up and dressed. They'd forgotten about lunch but quickly reminded themselves as they rushed down to the kitchen, beginning to pull random things from the shelves and cook them.

"Y'Know, Gav." Ryan spoke, Gavin perking up from eating the odd sandwich, tilting his head as he munched. "That was fun, we'll have to do it again." He smirked as Gavin blushed and quickly scarfed down his sandwich. The ate and quickly headed out and back to work, the others commenting on the smell coming from them and their unkempt hair.

_Stop the words on my tongue,_ _From cutting my mouth to pieces._

"Well, we did." Ryan commented as he went back to work, humming softly along with the song he had on repeat, helping him through editing. He flinched a bit, a sharp pain making his head hurt as he got up, the room spinning. He told Geoff and the other man nodded as he said he'd bring Gavin home to him once work was over.

"God.. What is this..?" Ryan asked himself as he drove home slowly, barely making it in the door before he flinched and crawled up the stairs, curling up on the floor of the bedroom. He must have blacked out because he heard the door slam and heard footsteps come up the stairs and towards the room. "D-Don't come in.." He could hardly believe his eyes as he saw his reflection in the mirror that was on the wall, angled just a bit down, blue eyes wide and fearful. "For the love of God, don't come in.." He got a worried, yet muffled response form Gavin as he slammed the door shut. He honestly couldn't believe what had happened to him.

_Cover your eyes,_ _Because I don't know what this is._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA WHAT A CLIFFHANGER CAN YOU GUESS WHAT HAPPENED HOLY SHIT IT'S ANOTHER AU


	8. Wish That You Were Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry this is so late, I've been struggling to find a good enough song for this chapter! I'm happy to bring you Chapter 8 of this fanfic!  
> The song for this is Wish That You Were Here by Florence + The Machine, linked here! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsWDUvuF0Xc

_I've tried to leave it all behind me_  
_But I woke up and there they were beside me_  
_And I don't believe it but I guess it's true_  
_Some feelings, they can travel too_

Ryan could feel the sharp, throbbing pain in his skull as he squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel his flesh stretching and ripping as he screamed out; it felt like he was on fire. He could keep himself in one position on the floor as he thrashed about, his pained cries dieing out to hoarse wheezes and gasps. He opened his eyes, gazing at the mirror he had seen earlier only to nearly jump up out of horror. Upon his head were two large, sharp-looking bulls horns, followed by two long, bovine ears. He turned his head to see the tufted, thrashing tail behind him, nerves coming to life as he felt as though his whole being was nothing but pins and needles. He tried to move, his head feeling heavier as he forced himself to get up, hearing a violent thud and crack outside the door, a pained and panicked scream following suit.

 _Oh there it is again, sitting on my chest_  
_Makes it hard to catch my breath_  
_I scramble for the light of change_

Gavin felt his heart leap into his throat as he heard Ryan screaming and crying, feeling helpless before dizziness overtook him. Steadying himself against the wall, he felt as though his body was being ripped to shreds as he heard the sickening tear of flesh as he shrieked as quietly as he could before losing his balance and toppling to the floor. He heard a crack, then screaming, louder than he had heard any human scream. It took him a few seconds to realize the screaming was coming from him. He felt something against his arms and his back, reaching back to feel feathers. He recoiled, arms wrapped around his knees as he lay in a fetal position, a tail full of feathers twitching behind him. He cried out, tears burning trails down his face as he felt his bones beginning to hollow out, making him ready for flight.

 _You're always on my mind_  
_And I never minded being on my own_  
_Then something broke in me and I wanted to go home_  
_To be where you are_  
_But even closer to you, you seem so very far_

Ryan flung open the door, tears welling his eyes as he saw his husband, now under a cover of long, glossy wings as he sobbed. He moved closer before he was halted by Gavin, the Brits' voice weak and quivery as he spoke.

 _And now I'm reaching out with every note I sing_  
_And I hope it gets to you on some pacific wind_  
_Wraps itself around you and whispers in your ear_  
_Tells you that I miss you and I wish that you were here_

"Ry.. No.. Don't, I'm a monster, love.." He coughed, eyes closing tightly as he felt Ryan scoop him up. He felt his wings droop from his back, his eyes opening slightly as he looked up to the face of his beloved. He was speechless, eyes opening wider as he saw the large horns atop his head. "Ry.. You've.." He barely muttered part of his sentence before he blacked out.

 _And if I stay home, I don't know_  
_There'll be so much that I'll have to let go_  
_You're disappearing all the time_  
_But I still see you in the light_

Ryan looked to his husband, now unconscious in his arms as he carried him outside to the car, gently laying him across the back seat as he climbed in, knocking his horns against the frame of the car before sitting comfortably and cranking the engine, hearing it roar to life. He had to get to Geoff's. If anyone knew what was going on, he would. As they arrived, he saw Geoff sitting on his lawn, curled horns around long, sheep-like ears. Geoff stood up as he saw the car pull into the lawn, barely getting a word out before Ryan shut the car off and got out. Geoff was stunned to silence by the large horns, but concern flooded him as Ryan pulled Gavin from the back, long wings in tow.

 _For you, the shadows fight_  
_And it's beautiful but there's that tug in the sight_  
_I must stop time traveling, you're always on my mind_

Gavins' mind was swimming as he floated through the black waters of unconsciousness. He recounted the events in his subconscious of gaining his wings, how his bones hollowed themselves. He was jolted awake, feeling warmth and strong arms holding him as he opened his eyes some, seeing the interior of a house he knew very well. He could smell the acidic scent of alcohol, hearing the familiar squeaky voice of Geoff Ramsey. He could hear Ryan.

 _We all need something watching over us_  
_Be it the falcons, the clouds or the cross_  
_And then the sea swept in and left us all speechless_  
_Speechless_

"I just.. Don't know what to do Geoff, I'm scared for him. He.. He looks like a Peregrine, wouldn't you say?" Ryan was nearly in hysterics, changing the subject every few minutes before he felt Gavin shift, signaling he was waking up. As soon as Gavins eyes completely opened, Ryan smothered him in kisses; he assured the lanky Brit that he was the most handsome man he had ever seen. He, along with Geoff, assured him that his wings were long enough to allow him flight. They even joked that he wouldn't need a ride anymore. He felt so calmed now that the worst of what had happened was over, though he could still feel his bones thickening, his neck now able to support his large horns. "I'm just glad.. I'm glad you're here. I love you." He murmured into Gavins ear, pressing kisses to the side of his head before he pulled him closer, tightly clinging to him as if his life depended on it.

 _Wish that you were here_  
_Wish that you were here_  
_Wish that you were here_  
_I wish that you..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably rly short but pls give me feedback on this. Thank you!


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